Cabweeloptik is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, annoying seal.

Cabweeloptik created an up quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cabweeloptik, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cabweeloptik, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Cabweeloptik's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Cabweeloptik's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cats.

2. You must never eat lemons.

3. Never jump in holy places.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.