Nellgudcan is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, resourceful frog.

Nellgudcan created Europe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nellgudcan, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nellgudcan, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Nellgudcan's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Nellgudcan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.

3. Always treat pigs with great respect.

4. Never think about dwarf planets.

5. Always take life seriously.