Tingatlipkophabzimhintif is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, thoughtless turtle.

Tingatlipkophabzimhintif created light two million years ago.

If you believe in Tingatlipkophabzimhintif, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tingatlipkophabzimhintif, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tingatlipkophabzimhintif's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Tingatlipkophabzimhintif's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Run away if five bats approach from the north.

3. Do not shave your legs.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Tingatlipkophabzimhintif on top of all buildings.