Tomcutnak Dinfomvan is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, merciful camel.

Tomcutnak Dinfomvan created water six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomcutnak Dinfomvan, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tomcutnak Dinfomvan, he will destroy your home planet.

Tomcutnak Dinfomvan's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Tomcutnak Dinfomvan's Holy Commandments

1. Tomcutnak Dinfomvan loves otters, so they must be honoured.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never feed bananas to squirrels while wearing dresses.

4. Feed all hungry voles.

5. Do not hurt tortoises.