Ontzakdab is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, egotistical hamster.

Ontzakdab created the Milkyway seven million years ago.

If you believe in Ontzakdab, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ontzakdab, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Ontzakdab's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Ontzakdab's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured goats.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not speak about oranges.

4. You must pray to Ontzakdab three times a day.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.