Hivfumpid is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, ruthless goat.

Hivfumpid created bats four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hivfumpid, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hivfumpid, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hivfumpid's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Hivfumpid's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never write about photosynthesis.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never talk about fire.