Milmetwon is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unthoughtful alligator.

Milmetwon created the universe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Milmetwon, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Milmetwon, he will turn you into a puffin.

Milmetwon's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Milmetwon's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of aubergines to cats while wearing orange boots.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always take life seriously.