Ratcumjap is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, self-confident monkey.

Ratcumjap created gold eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ratcumjap, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ratcumjap, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Ratcumjap's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Ratcumjap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

2. Never talk about gravity near pigs while wearing white shirts.

3. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never sit near swans.