Flatkanmon is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, flying dove.

Flatkanmon created a bottom quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatkanmon, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Flatkanmon, he will not invite you to parties.

Flatkanmon's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Flatkanmon's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near cats while wearing red boots and balancing four lead spheres on your head.