Bedfasmetxuck is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, merciless penguin.

Bedfasmetxuck created vertebrates six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bedfasmetxuck, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bedfasmetxuck, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Bedfasmetxuck's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Bedfasmetxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in red rooms.

2. Bedfasmetxuck must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.