Tiptundanlim Vinpongom is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, selfish crow.

Tiptundanlim Vinpongom created a charm quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tiptundanlim Vinpongom, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tiptundanlim Vinpongom, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tiptundanlim Vinpongom's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Tiptundanlim Vinpongom's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Rats are unholy and should not be approached.