Vegarnrak Pakfetcip is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, tiresome raccoon.

Vegarnrak Pakfetcip created dark matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vegarnrak Pakfetcip, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vegarnrak Pakfetcip, she will boil you in a big pot.

Vegarnrak Pakfetcip's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Vegarnrak Pakfetcip's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Feed all hungry eagles.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always make sure there are no bats in a room before entering it.

5. Fast once a month.