Fagbarnsaw is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, dishonourable unicorn.

Fagbarnsaw created everything that exists six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fagbarnsaw, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fagbarnsaw, he will turn you into a goat.

Fagbarnsaw's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Fagbarnsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven tin sculptures of Fagbarnsaw on top of important buildings.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near foxes while wearing green stockings and balancing six gold spheres on your hands.

5. Feed all hungry birds.