Fottarpflap is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, grumpy hedgehog.

Fottarpflap created Africa eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fottarpflap, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fottarpflap, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Fottarpflap's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Fottarpflap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never feed lots of lentils to turtles while wearing magenta shirts.

3. Feed all hungry goats.

4. Never think about quantum field theory.

5. Do not wear lead on your body.