Nakqueegfas is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, contented aardvark.

Nakqueegfas created the planet Jupiter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nakqueegfas, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Nakqueegfas, he will turn you into a slug.

Nakqueegfas' most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Nakqueegfas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair purple.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near birds while wearing turquoise shoes.

4. Erect seven lead sculptures of Nakqueegfas on top of important buildings.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.