Bafvolbossgepfadflatgidyim is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, strong turtle.

Bafvolbossgepfadflatgidyim created an up quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bafvolbossgepfadflatgidyim, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bafvolbossgepfadflatgidyim, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Bafvolbossgepfadflatgidyim's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Bafvolbossgepfadflatgidyim's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in violet.

3. Never talk about bacteria.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Always wear mauve.