Mutvonkdan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, tiresome snail.

Mutvonkdan created the Large Magellanic Cloud two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mutvonkdan, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Mutvonkdan, it will turn you into a plant.

Mutvonkdan's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Mutvonkdan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not keep four snails in a large pit.

3. Never talk about optics near voles while wearing orange ear rings and balancing eight silicon spheres on your feet.

4. Never feed lots of beans to hamsters while wearing red shoes.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.