Larphonbog is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, thoughtless whale.

Larphonbog created Africa nine million years ago.

If you believe in Larphonbog, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Larphonbog, he will destroy your home solar system.

Larphonbog's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Larphonbog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

4. Do not wear green clothing.

5. Never play with disobedient children.