Figgutjengess Futwapjipzan is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, fussy narwhal.

Figgutjengess Futwapjipzan created vertebrates five million years ago.

If you believe in Figgutjengess Futwapjipzan, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Figgutjengess Futwapjipzan, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Figgutjengess Futwapjipzan's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Figgutjengess Futwapjipzan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never hurt grasshopers.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Worship no other gods but Figgutjengess Futwapjipzan.

5. Do not dye your hair fawn.