Flatnat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, intelligent giraffe.

Flatnat created the Sun seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatnat, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Flatnat, he will torture you forever.

Flatnat's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Flatnat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed tomatoes to hamsters while wearing hats.

2. Great tits are not to be trusted.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Flatnat in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not cook food in pots.