Ortwancamhivponnan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, unselfish eagle.

Ortwancamhivponnan created Europe six million years ago.

If you believe in Ortwancamhivponnan, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Ortwancamhivponnan, she will turn you into a duck.

Ortwancamhivponnan's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Ortwancamhivponnan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about stars.

2. Do not speak about parsnips.

3. Hide from fawn monkeys for they are unholy.

4. Never bounce near otters.

5. Never eat green fruit.