Jamfomloparmflagwothanjan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, duplicitous tortoise.

Jamfomloparmflagwothanjan created dark matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamfomloparmflagwothanjan, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jamfomloparmflagwothanjan, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Jamfomloparmflagwothanjan's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Jamfomloparmflagwothanjan's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never bounce in holy places.

3. Always wear cyan.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.