Lopquimdam is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, unjust guinea pig.

Lopquimdam created parasitic wasps six billion years ago.

If you believe in Lopquimdam, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lopquimdam, she will turn you into a rat.

Lopquimdam's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Lopquimdam's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear brown corsets.

2. Tortoises are not to be trusted.

3. Always help ants in need.

4. Do not hurt pigs.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.