Fetsabfar is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, strong bear.

Fetsabfar created a top quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fetsabfar, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Fetsabfar, she will send you a sign.

Fetsabfar's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Fetsabfar's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not speak about cucumbers.

4. Always wear white.

5. Never write about bacteria.