Ontlag is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, self-assured shark.

Ontlag created the universe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontlag, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ontlag, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Ontlag's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Ontlag's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Ontlag in the centre of the settlement.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sheep.

5. Never talk about moons.