Podlapkim is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, humane guinea pig.

Podlapkim created dark energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Podlapkim, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Podlapkim, it will torture you forever.

Podlapkim's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Podlapkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed limes to dolphins while wearing tights.

2. Do not speak about oranges.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not hurt voles.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.