Nilquartged is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, duplicitous meerkat.

Nilquartged created everything that exists two billion years ago.

If you believe in Nilquartged, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Nilquartged, he will turn you into a frog.

Nilquartged's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Nilquartged's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of corn to great tits while wearing pink stockings.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nilquartged.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always help moths.

5. Nilquartged must be the most important thing in your life.