Guphitlan is a god.

She takes the form of a small, conceited alligator.

Guphitlan created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Guphitlan, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Guphitlan, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Guphitlan's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Guphitlan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of nuts to capybaras while wearing black tights.

2. Always make sure there are no ants in a building before entering it.

3. Moths are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.