Sigtarwap is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, cheerful hydra.

Sigtarwap created the Andromeda Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Sigtarwap, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Sigtarwap, it will ignore you.

Sigtarwap's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Sigtarwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Sheep are not to be trusted.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near tapirs while wearing violet boots.

5. Do not stand on grass.