Nanjatvon is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, irritating lobster.

Nanjatvon created the planet Venus three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nanjatvon, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nanjatvon, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Nanjatvon's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Nanjatvon's Holy Commandments

1. Put Nanjatvon first in all things.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Nanjatvon.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not dye your hair brown.

5. Nanjatvon loves birds, so they must be honoured.