Ponwankip Hak is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, caring zebra.

Ponwankip Hak created the planet Saturn nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ponwankip Hak, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ponwankip Hak, she will turn you into a mole.

Ponwankip Hak's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Ponwankip Hak's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never mention hamsters.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always pray immersed in water.