Vonnelcam is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, awesome bat.

Vonnelcam created the planet Venus eight million years ago.

If you believe in Vonnelcam, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vonnelcam, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vonnelcam's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Vonnelcam's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured birds.

2. Do not kill otters.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Erect nine carbon sculptures of Vonnelcam on top of important buildings.