Cubzigtan Rakcemcun is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, flying alligator.

Cubzigtan Rakcemcun created the planet Jupiter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Cubzigtan Rakcemcun, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cubzigtan Rakcemcun, he will turn you into a tree.

Cubzigtan Rakcemcun's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Cubzigtan Rakcemcun's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not dye your hair purple.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never write about quantum field theory.