Xemfatvon is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, awe-inspiring monkey.

Xemfatvon created the universe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemfatvon, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xemfatvon, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Xemfatvon's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Xemfatvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Worship no other gods but Xemfatvon.

5. Do not cook food in pots.