Tarpvonsaf Pogpangfem is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, charitable cobra.

Tarpvonsaf Pogpangfem created tapeworms four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpvonsaf Pogpangfem, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tarpvonsaf Pogpangfem, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Tarpvonsaf Pogpangfem's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Tarpvonsaf Pogpangfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt foxes.

2. Do not shave your head.

3. Never jump in the presence of whales.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate frogs.