Omtyarlnat is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, idiotic squid.

Omtyarlnat created the cosmos nine million years ago.

If you believe in Omtyarlnat, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Omtyarlnat, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Omtyarlnat's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Omtyarlnat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

2. Never feed lots of coconuts to doves while wearing red shirts.

3. Never think about thermodynamics.

4. Omtyarlnat must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Omtyarlnat.