Jabwikvigquafsaw is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, contented tapir.

Jabwikvigquafsaw created the universe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jabwikvigquafsaw, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jabwikvigquafsaw, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Jabwikvigquafsaw's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Jabwikvigquafsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no frogs in a room before entering it.

2. Mites are not to be trusted.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Respect your elders.