Gutwongig is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, idiotic yak.

Gutwongig created carbon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutwongig, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Gutwongig, he will try to impress you with trees.

Gutwongig's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Gutwongig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

2. Worship no other gods but Gutwongig.

3. Never talk about special relativity near birds while wearing turquoise corsets.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.

5. You must love Gutwongig.