Nutwabzim is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, unthoughtful porpoise.

Nutwabzim created Europe four million years ago.

If you believe in Nutwabzim, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nutwabzim, he will turn you into a mouse.

Nutwabzim's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Nutwabzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about archaea.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Hide if four gulls approach from the north.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never talk about rats.