Fempinmeg is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, humane hamster.

Fempinmeg created a bottom quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fempinmeg, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Fempinmeg, he will turn you into a goat.

Fempinmeg's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Fempinmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near shrews while wearing blue stockings and balancing eight copper spheres on your back.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Fempinmeg loves ducks, so they must be respected.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.