Bimgontarg is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unsympathetic monkey.

Bimgontarg created the Small Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bimgontarg, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bimgontarg, she will turn you into a mole.

Bimgontarg's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Bimgontarg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

2. Do not keep four dolphins in a large pit.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bimgontarg.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always help squirrels.