Vegpontonk is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unjust tapir.

Vegpontonk created matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vegpontonk, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Vegpontonk, she will turn you into a rock.

Vegpontonk's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Vegpontonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never write about spacetime.

3. Do not take Vegpontonk's name in vain.

4. Never wear white shirts.

5. Never feed lots of carrots to sheep while wearing violet tights.