Barnzakfud is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, astonishing dolphin.

Barnzakfud created bats three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnzakfud, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Barnzakfud, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Barnzakfud's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Barnzakfud's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Barnzakfud loves doves, so they must be respected.

3. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not wear orange clothing.