Fetxem is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, caring mole.

Fetxem created a down quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fetxem, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fetxem, she will curse you with boils.

Fetxem's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Fetxem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never talk about optics near manatees while wearing mauve boots and balancing four titanium spheres on your neck.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Always treat capybaras with great respect.

5. Never talk about bats.