Hotvonmip is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, clever crab.

Hotvonmip created tapeworms five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotvonmip, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hotvonmip, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Hotvonmip's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Hotvonmip's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear fawn.

2. Never think about electromagnetism near grasshopers while wearing pink rings and balancing eight zinc spheres on your feet.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never feed peanuts to cats while wearing purple corsets.

5. Do not take Hotvonmip's name in vain.