Hapbonmil is a god.

It takes the form of a small, almighty cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Hapbonmil created Europe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hapbonmil, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hapbonmil, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hapbonmil's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Hapbonmil's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Always treat geese with great respect.

3. Do not speak about bread.

4. Never look at planets.

5. Hapbonmil must be the most important thing in your life.