Arpkemgil Titbandap is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, able hippopotamus.

Arpkemgil Titbandap created dark matter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Arpkemgil Titbandap, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Arpkemgil Titbandap, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Arpkemgil Titbandap's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Arpkemgil Titbandap's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never talk about optics near swans while wearing orange boots.

3. Erect five aluminium sculptures of Arpkemgil Titbandap on top of important buildings.

4. Never talk about manatees.

5. Do not take Arpkemgil Titbandap's name in vain.