Ripkonhogkik is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, quiet porpoise.

Ripkonhogkik created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ripkonhogkik, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ripkonhogkik, it will turn you into a rock.

Ripkonhogkik's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Ripkonhogkik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sit in public.

2. Always help birds in need.

3. You must pray to Ripkonhogkik nine times a day.

4. Never run near ants.

5. Never go into turquoise rooms.