Kikgetjap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, annoying mongoose.

Kikgetjap created carbon six million years ago.

If you believe in Kikgetjap, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Kikgetjap, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Kikgetjap's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Kikgetjap's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Hide if eight turtles approach from the south.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. You must love Kikgetjap.

5. Do not shave your chest.