Yarpzighan is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, witty troll.

Yarpzighan created an atom three billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpzighan, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarpzighan, she will turn you into a plant.

Yarpzighan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Yarpzighan's Holy Commandments

1. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not hurt moths.

3. Never think ill of sick great tits.

4. Erect five copper sculptures of Yarpzighan on top of important buildings.

5. Never eat bark.